Could've sworn that wine and 1and 4 made 2

there's a new journal:


http://pigeonholes.livejournal.com/


so friend me if you feel inclined, and i'll do the same. See you.

i am i am i am i am.




i'm going to be ok, i have a plan, i am i am i am i am.




tired: maybe i'll really try to articulate this tomorrow.

...so I guess I'm not?

J'ai besoin pense plus de beacoup. C'est le problem.

http://dulciscaelum.deviantart.com/


Check it out bitches- fully updated with work from MICA.

I have a facebook problem. It's definitely a problem.

I'm bored. College is boring. I want to do something. I'm loooooosing motivation. I'm probably going to go do homework. What a friday night, man. HARDFUCKINCORE.

























LAME.

I never appreciated Rochester until i left it. I like this city alot, and I like the area. I even like the weather. I just like it. This break was excellent. I spent alot of time with alot of people, and slowly came to realize why i picked a school 8 hours away. I love my loves. So much. I hope i find people like them at college. I'm excited to get back to C2107, and get settled in again. I have goals for the semester, but i'm afriad that if i write them down i'll blow them off. im excited to see whos all in my new classes, and what my teachers are like . i miss tea time. I'm going to miss having good food around, and my bed, and my cat, and my friends, and comfort. I'm going to miss carpet and tile and hardwood, and couches, and walls with color and kitchens with counter space and stoves that are big and toaster ovens and electric can openers and big thich cutting boards, and gas stoves.

i got a hair cut. saying goodbye to linny and hannah was harder than the first time. the first time it didn't seem real. packing tomorrow in my nice suticases, and then taking penelope for a ride one last time, probably to wegmans. heh. I'll be back in march though, and headed to allegheny! to see lindsay! and keuka! to pick up hannah! so she can come with me! I feel much more like myself than i have in a long time. My second semester resolution is to calm down, and be myself, and not let things bring me down. i need to stay inside my self, and hold on to home marissa, instead od baltimore marissa, because baltimore marissa is kind of a mess.

i guess that's all.


goodnight

deans list!

i'm almost there,

I think i can, I think i can, I think i can, I think i can, I think i can, I think i can, I think i can, I think i can.



Tomorrow is going to be the worst day. But i'm going to handle it like a rational, yet slightly delusional adult. I'm not going to freak out. I'm going to calmly face all 2 and three quarters of those drawing and i am going to kick their collective asses. Sometimes i have to remind myself that I'm not stupid, and that if i put a little more effort into living, i could really have it together. But sloth is overwhelming, and being proactive will have to start next semester. i guess. I dont live in the moment, i live in the moment that's putting off the next moment.



????????????? i puzzle me.

sleep now.

I am home. I am home. I am home.





I am in my bed. My big, soft, sprawl around without falling out or having your limbs dangle over the edges bed. I am also in my room by myself.




All i need is for lindsay to come home, and my.life.will.be.complete.




I'm kind of worried as to how happy being back in Rachster makes me. I really miss my sister.





I want to be happier in baltimore!

I like college. Sometimes i get anxious about things and need to write them down where i know someone will see it and say "shut up, marissa". I half assed my homework. i think. It's too small. College is hard. I'll make up for it. BAH. Class at nine! I think i might major in gfa, general fine arts, otherwise lovingly known as generally fucking around. I also say fuck alot. like this: FUCKER! I can't believe it's almost been a month. It'll be good to get home and go to wegman's. Rochester is alot nicer from a distance. I miss my friends. And my cat, and I don't like missing out on abby's last year of elementary school. I feel better now.

Anybody else going through extreme pet withdrawl? I miss my cat allready!

ok, so job, = not that bad. despite the slightly creepy bosses.

but these are the crappiest hours ever. and i am so lonely. LONELY. because i've been coming home to an empty house every night after working for six hours and by the time i get home it's too late to do anything and it's too late to call anybody. BAH. so you should all probably rescue me. now.

wooohooo!

I'm done with highschool(duh)and i love my friends very dearly and they know that. therefore i feel no need to write sentimentally about how i'm going to miss highschool so much. cause i wont. I'll miss the people i like.

Disney world was freaking amazing, ball was fun, and i was enjoying my newfound freedom until:

i found a job.

that done with i want to complain so stop reading here if you don't want to listen.

I haven't even started yet and i don't like it. BLARGH. my servitude begins today from 4-10. maybe i'll go see fireworks after. Maybe it'll be fun. Maybe a magical fairy shaped like mickey mouse will pop out of my computer and pay for college.



but at least i get paid! Wambach's farm market and ice cream standything here i come!

There's a little town called Wellsville that I hate with all my heart. That about sums it up. I'm not the one being selfish. A list of people I'm angry with: My mom, my dad, my grandma. My mom, for being stubborn, for being selfish, and refusing to listen to me, my dad for being stubborn, selfish, and obsessed with the wrong ideas (come back to reality, please?), and my grandma for being selfish and stubborn. In that order.

Apparantly I'm the one being selfish, though, since i don't give anything to this family. Maybe i'm done with this family. I think I might be done trying to make it work. I'm sick of playing marriage counselor, I'm sick of playing therapist, and I'm sick of hearing about pipe dreams and I'm sick of you being obsessed. OBSESSED. with this project.

Think about it. You finally get grandma to do her part, and then what do you have left? Nothing, because you've allready begun expecting everyone else to sacrfice since you're running out of sacrifices to make yourself. Your marriage, me, your siblings, what next? And let me please remind you that maybe a horse will keep her close for a few years, but you can only bribe for so long. She's not dumb, and in case you haven't noticed, she has a mind of her own. We all do.

Get over yourselves, and I'll do the same.


love, the hypocrite.









I'm confused.

Goodbye 17!



Being seventeen was nice. This was a good year. Who wants to drive around with me tomorrow till 9 and then be LEGAL! and drive after nine?


I'm lame.



Blast from the past- at least we had fun!

Everybody check out Regina Spektor: Carly showed her to me and now I am in love. Her music pretty much owns. Try "Consequence of Sound", "Us", "Samson", and "Poor Little Rich Boy".



Besides that, it's been quite the week. 

My Grandpa died on the 26th, and my feelings towards this are very complicated. Mud the janitor died too. It's been a bad week for living all around. I didn't go to school on wednesday and spent tuesday night through wednesday night in Wellsville for the funeral. Bah. Grandpa was a veteran and they had a military service as well as a regular one, and they played taps to end the ceremony, and sitting in that tiny little funeral home, with a whole bunch of people I didn't know, and a bunch of old guys dressed in uniform, It was one of the most meaningful pieces of music I've ever heard. That moment, tears and all was beautiful, quite deserving of the man it was in honor of. 

Had some bonding with Linny and Hannah, and I caught someone touching my painting at earthtones. I shut her down, from across the room. Kind of unintentionally. I sort of half whispered half yelled "DON'T TOUCH IT!!!" Good times all around.


LOVE TO ALL.

Go rest high on that mountain
Son, your work on earth is done.

Sasha, I love you. triple axle toe loop combonation double camel lutz! ( i made that up.) BUT IT WAS AMAZING NONETHELESS. The swiss girl skated to finding neverland music. I LOVE THE OLYMPICS.